A year ago, as a wide-eyed senior in undergrad I thought I had it all figured out. I had a full-time job offer, I was counting down the days until graduation and I could see the light at the end of a year old long distance relationship.
I was so excited for the next chapter of my life to begin and don't get me wrong, I don't miss school. I miss every social aspect of college but I don't miss staying up late writing papers, studying till my eyeballs dry out, and sitting through lectures. I actually enjoy paying bills, living on my own and figuring it all out but IT'S SO FREAKING STRESSFUL.
And I have a reputation to protect. A reputation of fearlessness and cold-hearted sarcasm. Stress for me results in slight panic attacks, which as you can see, doesn't fit well with my reputation.
Another thing that doesn't fit well into my reputation - my current status of being madly in love with my roommates cat. Damnit. A person like me doesn't feel love for animals (Sarah McLachlan's commercials help out a great deal with that) ESPECIALLY cats. Gross. If anything my personality constitutes that I should be a dog person.
If blogging were the appropriate format for hashtags I would do this right now #whitegirlproblems #fosho
I know these just seem like random strining of thoughts and feelings but they boil down to this. I no longer feel like myself. I no longer know or understand where I'm going.
So who am I? What do I have left? I've done a lot of refelecting recently (which apparently results in blogging?) and I came up with an answer that I've known all a long but really lost sight of in the past year.
The most important thing in my life are the people in it because they're the ones who are going to be supporting me and keep me going. I definietely feel as though I haven't been doing my part in nurturing these relationships in the last year as I tried to focus on myself but this is my wake-up call. I'm embracing life with all it's stress, cats, and relationships.
